PALM BEACH, FL — The nation is effervescent with anticipation for Donald J. Trump's upcoming announcement. While many pundits speculate today is the day Trump confirms his 2024 presidential run, sources close to him have confirmed the King of Name-Calling will actually be unveiling a list of savage new nicknames for rising Republican star, Ron DeSantis.
"'RINO Ronnie' sits at the top of the list," said one anonymous staffer, "But President Trump has come up with so many good ones, some right off the top of his head, like 'Ron DeStupid' and 'Fart Face.'"
Analysts credit Trump's aptitude for biting insults with helping him win every business deal, marriage, negotiation, divorce, and political battle since he was young. They say the only reason he lost the stolen election of 2020 was that it was stolen, and also because he was not at the top of his name-calling game at the time.
Below is a list of additional names Trump is adding to his insult encyclopedia in preparation for the Republican Primaries:
- Wrong DeSantis
- Ron DeSad! Not Good!
- Fake Tan Ronnie
- Lego Minifigure-Head Ron
- Ronnie No Neck
- RINO Ronnie
- Son of a Motherless Goat
- Ron DeStupid
- Ron DeSCAMtis
- Ron De StinkyPants
- Fart Knocker
- Groin DeSantis
- Ron DePantless
- Rose Tico
At publishing time, witnesses had overheard Trump excitedly yell out another brilliant insult, "Raunchy Ronnie."
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